I know how to have the Perfect Break with Nestle, aswell as being a darn good Chocolate Harmonica player. I've joined the resistance with Muse, and helped save lives by enlisting with the Army, I even helped Ben Stiller shoot bad guys in the Tropics. After confessing all to the Skinny Cow, I had a face transplant and ended up looking like Madonna, just to become a spy like James Bond. Once I cleared my name with Scotwork I teamed up with Maria Sharapova to play tennis with Nike and later hit the dancefloor with the sexy dancers from Joop! Despite being up close and personal with the hairy cheeks of Matt Stafford, I was still given some good make-up tips from Loreal. I helped Walkers discover possibly the oddest flavoured crips ever created, and convinced Revels to evict its coffee chocolates. I probably ate a thousand Creme Eggs whilst at the Cadbury Fate, and enjoyed a slice of corporate Bel cheese, I’ve even fed my facebook buddies to a pair of Nicorette lips. I got all Independent by visiting literary festivals and tasting summer food, but I lost my mobile to Figaro, so I got my bum seated with the National Express, and jetted off on holiday with Ebookers. All I did however was throw guitars at awful bands and popcorn at some pretty bad movies too with AOL, but I got a new perspective with teddy bears from The Economist, and I’ve been playing with Elastoplast hippos and dragons ever since.
Everything else is just another story.